Bismillah hir Rahman Nir Raheem,
She’s this petite slant eye little precious girl who soul torn apart by memories of her dead christian grandma and her Muslim mum.
This is my rendition of her story and this is why I’m against civil marriages:
I’ve stated in the previous post that I’ve once taught in a school of children from civil marriage and converts background. It was a brief experience as eventually both the co-teacher and myself left. I, did it first than few weeks later she did as well.
I’m to blame for running away. It’s a mistake, I should have stayed fight for the students but I did not.
The struggle between the sufi clan and myself got overwhelm and awkward to a point beyond fixing. She blatantly told me that Rasulullah was himself a sufi, and he has a secret group together with Abu Bakr unknown by other companion and that’s where the Tarekat heritage goes down line to her mystical sheikhs
Don’t asked me how I feel about it?
It’s beyond shocking to me how far off one can be from the core teaching of Islam and the Prophet Sunnah. Speechless!
Since that episode she, who initially recruited me for my passion in da’wah, my educational background in comparative religion, our mutual understanding in certain topic was all forgotten. She tried very hard (against my resistance) to make me teach Quran only.
Why? It’s the only subject that is safe from conflict and khilaf (difference of scholars opinion which actually prove my point all along. We could be united as One if every muslim follows merely Quran and Sunah as how the Prophet taught his companions)
We maintain our adab (manners) with each other as civilized Islamic educated tholib ul ilm ( students of knowledge) but Allah knows there is no way I can swallow that not due to hate, but with solemn sadness: How could someone say that about my Beloved Prophet Muhammad s.a.w
He, Rasulullah hiding something for his and Abu Bakr exclusive rights only? The idea to me is something out of character for Rasulullah s.a.w and he would never preach prejudice.
It was only once a week but I’ve grown to love the students deeply, I remember my first session with them. I know they are a tough cookies to crack, i saw how they played their mobile and chatted in group among themselves whilst the relief teacher was teaching in front like an invincible figure
I hatched a plan wore my shiniest Dubai Abbaya and went into the class with my ‘American Slang’ English.
Sold! True enough, they think I’m cool and that’s make my life so much easier coming to teach.
My job in teaching Islam got easier, proactive and more reciprocal. The group who use to chatted, stop chatting and gave me their attention and the group who play with their hp drop their habit.
In the first class we bonded and I told them it’s a free and easy session, where they can asked any question they wanted too.
Smart Aleck started asking me, what if i can’t answer them? she than proceed to say that from her experience the teachers she met for 6 years of study did not provide them with answers they are seeking.
I asked her what is the question that they fail to tell her: She said, no one taught me how to make my mother put on the hejab?
I was taken a back by her question, thought running my mind not because I had no answer to it but I was thinking why no one actually did have an answer, and I soon realize why.
The Asatizah who taught in the school was mostly secondary school or students waiting for results from Madrasah due to financial restraints or possibly other reason which i am not aware of but personally for me, when it’s come to the matter of the deen you can’t just hire any Fatimah, Aishah or Khadija for the Job.
Religious Teachers are a representation of Allah’s deen and it’s simply not a job to pay your hand phone bill. If that’s your intention, than stay away you’re better off doing something else that will cause less damage to Islam reputation and good name.
The graduates are only a few mostly taught adult classes at night and other than that it was me and my co-teacher, Ustazah W graduated from Al-Azhar university in Cairo, Egypt majoring in Quran and Hadith.
SubhanAllah, this! coming from a 13 years old who later told me she is in love with One Direction Boyband.
Kids this day surely mature faster than when she was my age, I was busy playing catch under my void deck.
I told her the secret to successful prayer is from the heart: Sincerity in absolute Faith without doubting yourself or God’s. By Allah, two week later she told me Thank You! My wish came true and by that time i had forgotten what was it, and she told me remember what i said to you: Allah’s answered my prayer and my mum at 43 don the hejab without me asking her too.
SubhanAllah, what a beautiful heart she must have. Her prayer was answered that quick as soon as she understood the formula she begun to believe with all her heart that through Faith dreams do come true.
Whilst i was in the amidst of teaching, here come Sabrina’s Sister. The class started at 8:00 am and she came at 10:30am. She missed a good portion of the morning lessons every week. Even, when she was in class she was’nt really listening she took out a love novel and read with her earpieces stuck in her ear. It was a distraction to me trying to teach, to the girls seating next to her chair and most importantly a distraction for her.
I later found out that she had to attend church first and later, it was an agreement made for her as a civil marriage child up until she was able to made a conscious decision as a teenager on which religion to pick for herself. Her sister attended the same Sunday school years ago and at 16 years of age her agony stops and she made her pick. She choose to follow her father’s religion: Christianity!
Do you know how i felt? Do you feel me?
The thoughts of being ‘her’ just send shivers down my spine. It’s a decision that will send her to heaven or hell. I wished I could take away her pain. I blame her Muslim mother for marrying his Chinese christian father just so she could get to live in Singapore. They got divorce eventually and this children are left to clean up their mess.
The teachers and the management.
They know her story and her sister fate. They talked about her always, every Sunday morning but no one dare to take the responsibility to seat down and have an open heart conversation with this poor struggling soul.
The most awkward thing they did was treating her ‘special’ and super nice. She’s not an idiot, she knew herself what was going on and she called the teachers ‘Retarded’
I wonder why? Did, no one care enough or they simply dismiss this issue as oh well, this is Life. What’s next?
How can one be a Muslim themselves not be torn by her story and feel her struggle and pain?
Surely, My God spoke the truth when He(swt) said:
For indeed it is not the eyes that grow blind – but it is the hearts, which are within the bosoms, that grow blind. [Sûrah al-Hajj: 46]
Week went by and she made it harder for me to teach. I wasn’t willing to particularly give up. I rather let her vent her frustration at me than be apathetic.
So i asked her friends what she like in this class and they said she love reading the Qura’an ans she learnt to read the Qura’an in 2 years inspired by a Teacher who also left 3 years ago.
My Co-teacher who was an expert in Qura’an decided to do a 30 minute lessons on Tafseer (Exegesis) after the one to one Quran recitation classes.
She did that, and Sabrina’s sister begun to asked question about the history stated in Qura’an that is similar to the Bible they taught her at church session in the morning.
The problem with me was and still am is lack of patience, i wanted to see results, fast and soon. I spend sleepless night and countless sms with Ustazah W to come out with a planned on how to get Sabrina’s sister to open up.
I finally decided to do a lesson base on a video by Sheikh Joshua Evans: How bible led me to Islam. It was 20 minutes through the video, the whole class enjoyed watching it but not Sabrina’s Sister.
Her face turns red and she show signs of tantrum and rebellion. She blasted her music out loud in an attempt to block the message. She took out her novel in an attempt to read but i saw her eye shifting glances towards the video, she than took out her puzzle pieces and asked the girl beside her to played with her in attempt to distract herself and her friends. She later than stood up and pushed the chair, took a chair out and seat outside the door and still she was fidgeting, her soul was restless.
The class suddenly burst into laughter at a joke made by Brother Joshua Evans and she on the other hand burst into tears. I was all along, staring and looking at her with my co-teacher waiting for her to break out from her shell.
I gave her time to reflect and waited for her response,
The bell rang. Class was over. I asked the student to review the video that they have just watched and the class showed active participation and asked good question pertaining Faith. I was expecting something from Sabrina Sister’s but for a good 20 minute her head was down with tears welled up in her eye. She muster her courage, gathered her words
She than looked at me in an angry stare, and told me. There’s no need to show me this video. I know what your trying to do,and i asked her to tell me what does she think i wanted from her?
She than said, you want me to be a Muslim and she later added to say that it will never happens because her heart had chosen Christianity. My Co-Teacher take a seat to hold herself back, and in her soft gentle voice said: Astaghfirullah Al Adzeem wa atubu ilaik. Translated as I seek forgiveness from you the Magnificent One and I submit myself in repentance.
Me? I swallowed my anger on her parents and hid my disappointment. I remembered asking Allah to help me, make me say the right words that is inspire by your Graciousness and not from my ignorant weak self.
I, never made any invitation to a single soul into Islam and I am not willing for this to be the first for me to make a child into Christianity due to impatience.
I remembered asking her in simple words in a humble tone wishing to Allah(swt) to let her feel my heartfelt words. I am here to hold your hand and brave this together with you and not be the enemy. In front of the class i asked her this questions: If you’ve chosen what you said you choose than why are you still here every week? why don’t you skip lessons and stay away in a void deck pretending to go to Sunday Madrasah so you can save yourself from this agony and save everyone else from this as well.
The tears that she tried to swallow burst into a loud wail. She than, shouted to me and said: Why can’t Madrasah be like church? Why can’t you just teach me to draw Noah’s ark or paint the picture of David fighting Goliath. Why do i have to carry this burden and choose? I’m just 14 years old. I don’t need this.. My sister abandon me and my mother betrayed me and lie and she goes on and on almost like she had waited 6 years to let out her frustration.
It slip my mind that we have a class full of children who need not hear this. I than realized that the students got scarred of her outburst and bullets of questions flying out from her mouth. I than said to her: Let’s talk i’m here and i want to listen from you.
I, myself needed time to take wudhu and prayed for Guidance.
This is way out of my job description. Satan begin whispering and poking his evil stick at me, i question myself and wonder did i push her to hard? Should i just like every other teacher pretended that this problem never existed. Should I? Should I, not?
The Ustaz came and called everyone to get ready to pray the afternoon prayer and i told Sabrina’s Sister to wait for me at the canteen and we can talk. She usually would have left earlier to run away from the only time she would’ve prayed her entire life. Which is once a week but she choose to left.
Why the management let her to do so, this story will come out next…To be continue…..
Time to pick up my book and study…
WonderingAmatullah 