About the Author:
The article written is in context of the issue facing the Malay Muslim Community in Singapore authored by a Muslimah born breed in the world’s richest city Singapore. She travel and stayed in several Islamic country namely a few: Egypt, Syria, Malaysia, Saudi Arabia and In sha Allah together with her misfit Arab Husband will permanently settled to their dreamland: a safe heaven with more room for religious practice and freedom of speech Saudi Arabia.
She grew up in a typical Malay culture non-practicing Muslim family often facing identity crisis due to her vague ethnic background and lost heritage, whose father is a man humble enough to admit and realize his shortcomings as an Imam of the herd and make a conscious choice to send her daughters to an Islamic educated environment.
I studied in two different madrasah graduated with GCE A Level and Elhamdulilah unlike the negative connotation circulating towards madrasah students being a failure in English here in this often demoralizing liberal Malay Muslim society that question the very existence of Madrasah as part of Education System.
[ Sorry to rub it in your face but it’s personal trauma]
I got a Big Fat B+ for my English despite lacking the educational assistance and facilities needed not forgetting having to deal with the trauma of an abandon biology teacher a week before practical exam I slough through the hardship (although having dealt with the lost of my beloved father (alfatheha), lost our mansion, falling into teenage rebellion and going through phases in life in search of What or Who is Faith?
From a Ustazah who told me it is the act of syaitan to asked any form of question pertaining the religion and that thou shall abide blindly at all cost with your damn eye shut close. I wabbled, stumbled and Crawled my way out to salvation to Syria, the land of the smiling civilian aka axis of evil to Obama
To joining a sufi hadrah head banging and sword swirling ‘Islamic Jamming’ in Syria, to almost adopting the idea of Liberal Islam and how Hejab is not wajib as it’s not mention in Quran to Submission19 Organization lead by a crazy Mathematician who think Quran is numerical magical miracle.[Tried and Tested]
However before i found my salvation in Syria, I took a leap of faith ( On Accounts os worldly status I was at a good place, but my heart was screaming in emptiness asking what the purpose of my life? desk-bound at 60 yrs of age only to learn later late in life my loyalty sold to cut departmental cost)
I thus abandon my award-winning position and took a leap of faith and dive into the unknown as WonderingAmatullah aka WonderingSlaveOfGod.
Those who are from Singapore or Madrasah most probably are aware that coming from Islamic Background it is sheer luck, almost impossible for a Madrasah student to enter in the government sectors (ask the NS Malay Muslim Boys they got loads of story to tell about this sort of discrimination )unless one’s show signs of religious abandonment and announce her hate for it religion’s polygamy. There is no chance one’s would ever even step the staircase of a building own by a Ministry with heavy security guards welcoming you at the gate.
Well, at least that is what had happened to me According to my life experience this is how it is, and i welcome many others who would want to share their experience out in the Open.
This is how I landed my position after 3 rounds of torture question regarding why Islam oppress women? and Polygamy. I landed the job in the Ministry with a pay check graded the lowest class. I took the job, mostly to prove a point. To be ‘normal’ after facing a claustrophobic attacks from society pressure of how not to be an outcast in your own country that limits your freedom despite quoting ‘One People-One Nation’.
Few months in the job I was re-awakened by the fact that my manager told me to kept a secret that they are finding ways to cut down on cost and the first department casualties are a woman who dedicated 40 years of her life working under the Ministry and soon to be retired.
Hell, yeah if I kept the top-secret well guarded they might throw in for me a supervisory position (additional workload) and a new chair and table in replacement of the old burden that is useless to the team.) Hooray! Good for me.. the heck with everyone so was/is the theme of a cosmopolitan city. Individualistic and Selfish is the motto to essential life surviving skill. Welcome to the Dog eat dog world.
Fast Forward to today, Elhamdulilah I spend 3 years in Syria intending to do my degree but I planned and Allah is the best of planner, due to certain circumstances we are not allowed to officially report to university and i decided to take on a diploma in dialogue of Civilization ( Dawah in English) conducted by a Dr professor from Chicago University, a humble awesome man who is a walking Quran and Sunnah – Dr S.Y. Qadri and there is where I realize the best job in the world is to be a Teacher of the Deen. To have the most Generous and Just Boss One’s can ever imagine with a big fat pay check in duniya and akheerah- Allah swt- The One and Only Mighty God. My Companion. My BesFriend. The One Who Never Forsake me or Abandon me. The One Who Protect Me. The One Who Overlook My Past and Sin.
Not forgetting a special shout out to my dark eye Syrian Guardian Angel who was my Siamese twin we use to literally talked about Allah and Islam for hours late into the night.
Bounded by Faith and not by blood, she showed me love, care and concern does’t necessarily comes from blood alone.
May Allah gather us in Jannah in sha Allah.
It’s Allah!
Since, the day I had my awakening I never look back again, Never regret one bit and everything start to fall into places. My mother may have labelled me as failure for abandoning my award winning job that will secure a stable future but I see blessing in hardship and I thank Allah for it. I since then travelled and stayed in Malaysia for 1 year and went back and forth Singapore to Selangor, Malaysia for the remaining years after which in 2012 I went to Egypt with my mum, sister and youngest brother where I got my Arabic Fusha approved by a local university shop keeper whilst i bought chocolate.
Allah gave me the blessing to be married to a man who is the epitome of humility and patience, a man who heart is the gate-keeper to Quran who read like the voice of an angel ( Say MasyAllah) who like me, in love with the deen and Quran. We may have different clashing personalities, different ethnic background and from different culture and country but the beauty of Islam sets that apart and we choose each other for faith, bounded by the love for our Religion. Once our ‘calling’ or ‘duty to serve the ummah is done here in Singapore. We will move on to the next destination, destine by Allah(swt) as I strongly believe that is the correct attitude of a Muslim towards this worldly life.
Rasulullah s.a.w said:
“Be in this world as though you were a stranger or a wayfarer.”
We use to scorn the Arabs for their lifestyle as desert bedouin. Little do I know, that their ways of living is an indication of their de-attachment to life and it’s pleasure. We love this world too much, to a point that it’s hard to make changes even one’s that is necessary to accommodate our religious obligation.
I’m currently a student of Bsc Psychology, in sha Allah I intend to pursue my Doctorate dedicating 10 years of my age in that quest to inspire more people to see the Islamic roots in Academic Education just like the good old golden age vs the Godless Secular Movement in Science that is being shove into our kids education without parents realizing the damage.
In sha Allah I intend to write more so as to inspire more students of knowledge to make a conscious choice in walking into the correct manhaj and be proud of the religion that Allah choose for us.
Pls say MasyAllah and make dua for me, my late father and my family.
Pls note that I am not a fan of certificate and papers but apparently this is the only way society will give me credit for what its due. Sad but true, so in sha Allah I hope this help make my work to serve the Ummah easier.
Yours Truly,
WonderingAmatullah